Marriage, Culture, and the Struggle for Women’s Dignity

Introduction

Marriage has been a universal institution across cultures and religions, celebrated as a sacred bond between two individuals. In its ideal form, marriage is intended to create a union built on love, compassion, responsibility, and mutual respect. In the Qur’an, marriage is described as a relationship founded on sakinah (tranquility), mawaddah (love), and rahmah (compassion):

“And among His signs is this: that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Surely in this are signs for a people who reflect.” (Qur’an 30:21)

Yet in practice, cultural traditions and patriarchal systems have often overshadowed this vision. In many South Asian and Middle Eastern societies, marriage has historically been framed less as a partnership and more as a transaction between families. A daughter is seen as someone who is “given away,” symbolically transferred from the guardianship of her parents to the ownership of her husband’s family. This practice not only contradicts the Qur’anic vision of equality but also perpetuates systemic injustice against women.

Lived Reality vs. Ideal

In these cultural frameworks, the bride enters her new home as a dependent. Her access to food, clothing, and shelter is tied to her husband and his family, and she is expected to serve as a caregiver, cook, cleaner, and mother. Instead of being treated as an equal partner, she is often reduced to an object of utility for her husband’s household.

Financial dependency deepens this vulnerability. Without independent income, many women feel powerless to challenge unfair treatment. Even when a woman works, her salary is often controlled by her husband or in-laws. This strips her of agency and makes her dependent, not just emotionally, but also economically.

The “trump card” of divorce looms constantly in the background. Whenever a wife attempts to assert her dignity or individuality, she may be reminded—explicitly or implicitly—that her presence in the household is conditional. A father-in-law, mother-in-law, husband, or even siblings-in-law may threaten her with rejection. Divorce, in this context, becomes a tool of intimidation rather than a legal right meant to protect both partners.

The Burden of Difference

For brides who come from a different caste, ethnic group, or linguistic background, the challenges multiply. Despite Islam’s firm rejection of caste hierarchies and racial superiority (“Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you” – Qur’an 49:13), cultural prejudices persist.

A bride who does not share her husband’s caste or cultural background is often scrutinized for her clothing, food preferences, and lifestyle choices. Any difference is viewed as a deviation from family norms and, by extension, as a form of disobedience. Such women are quickly labeled “outsiders” or “non-conforming daughters-in-law.” Their worth is judged not by their character or contributions, but by their ability to conform to minute details of their husband’s family traditions.

Ego, Power, and Silence

At the heart of these dynamics is ego—the pride of families that assert control over another human being. This ego has destroyed countless marriages, leaving women trapped in helplessness. Many daughters-in-law suffer in silence, fearing that voicing their struggles will worsen their situation.

Silence is often chosen because:

• Parents may feel powerless to intervene.

• Complaints could trigger harsher treatment from in-laws.

• A woman risks being labeled as “dishonoring” her family by admitting marital problems.

This silence can lead to long-term emotional trauma, physical abuse, and in some cases, a slow erosion of self-worth.

Roots of Women’s Helplessness

Several intertwined factors explain why so many daughters-in-law remain helpless:

1. Financial Dependence: Without independent income, women remain vulnerable to control.

2. Control of Women’s Earnings: Even when women earn, husbands or in-laws often claim authority over their income.

3. Misinterpretation of Religion: Many men misuse verses such as Qur’an 4:34 (“Men are protectors of women…”) to justify control, ignoring the historical context and the Prophet’s ﷺ example of kindness.

4. Cultural Conditioning: Societies reinforce the belief that women are intellectually or socially inferior.

5. Domestic Expectations: Women are expected to manage all household chores and bear children, especially male children, as proof of their worth.

Historically, male-dominated religious scholarship has often reinforced these roles instead of challenging them. Yet the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ himself modeled a very different relationship: he shared household chores, mended his own clothes, and treated his wives with respect and affection. A famous narration states:

“The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Tirmidhi, 3895)

This Prophetic example dismantles the claim that domination is religiously sanctioned.

Pathways to Change

1. Recognizing Human Dignity

Women must recognize that they are not commodities passed between families. Neither parents nor in-laws own them. Their dignity is intrinsic, given by God, and non-negotiable.

2. Financial Independence

Economic independence is central to empowerment. Without it, relationships often become imbalanced. While love and trust are essential, financial autonomy provides security against exploitation.

3. Seeking Support

Women facing verbal, emotional, or physical abuse should document incidents, seek help from support organizations, and use legal protections available to them. Silence benefits only the oppressors.

4. Avoiding Manipulation Through Pregnancy

Women must be aware that some men deliberately use pregnancy to deepen dependency. Until a relationship is stable and respectful, rushing into parenthood may make women more susceptible to vulnerability.

5. Professional Counseling

Religious scholars—often male and shaped by patriarchal traditions—may not provide impartial or helpful guidance. Licensed family therapists, counselors, or women’s rights advocates are better equipped to support women in abusive marriages.

6. Choosing Freedom Over Oppression

Though difficult, it is better to live independently than to endure a lifetime of indignity. The Qur’an reminds believers that God does not sanction injustice:

“Indeed, Allah does not wrong the people at all, but it is the people who wrong themselves.” (Qur’an 10:44)

Conclusion

Marriage was never meant to be a prison. The Qur’an describes it as a bond of tranquility, love, and mercy. The Prophet ﷺ embodied kindness, humility, and respect in his household. Yet, cultural practices rooted in patriarchy have turned marriage into a site of oppression for many women.

To restore dignity, families and communities must realign with the true spirit of religion—justice, compassion, and equality. Women must be empowered with financial independence, legal awareness, and social support. And above all, they must remember that their value does not come from pleasing in-laws or conforming to unjust traditions, but from the dignity God has granted them as human beings.